Emotional Residue

Recently, a professional whom I trust wholeheartedly encouraged me to write of how I feel towards something. To release whatever emotional residue left in me, to let all the anger out until nothing’s left anymore. Doesn’t need to be a long in-depth writing, small notes do just fine as long as it’s consistent.

Not there’s no reason behind it but because I skipped the anger phase in my healing journey. After 8th March , my soul was desperately sought for peace, I did anything I could to be at at that state including jumping a phase. Baca lebih lanjut

Joke’s on Who?

Once, someones threatened to delete me from ones life and consider me never existed if I didn’t comply to what ones wanted. Things got worse and the person started dictating my life of how I should react.

I was a fool to comply those appeasement for a short period of time whilst I’ve paid my dues. I did that because I respected the person, I looked up to ones. Boy I was wrong. After awhile I started to live in constant fear. I was in survival mode for months. Have you been in that situation? It was tiring. 😢😭

That was not healthy anymore.

It took me lots of hardwork by journaling, meditating, back and forth sharing with someone whom I trust, learning to change thinking patterns, etc., and I did it! I managed to get out from that situation. Yeay! It’s a big relief. 🤗🤗

Btw, once someones threatened to delete me and consider me never existed. As I grow, my thinking pattern change and I consider the person is dead. To me, that person is dead. The joke’s on who, now?

Lemmi Stop You Right There

I’ve closed the door to the past and look forward by opening the door to the future.

So, Lemmi Stop You Right There. Stop trying to fix things you’ve smashed and trying to get credits for mending it. (Dunno the reason) perhaps to make you feel good about yourself? To ease the guilty feeling? Or maybe in the hope there’s a chance for me reaching you out to reconnect as a thank you courtesy? 🧐

If I want to, I myself can arrange the reconciliation with my own resource. No help needed.

Heart is like a glass and once it’s shattered, it’s never be the same. I’ve changed. I’ve grown. I am not that meek-submissive person you used to put pressure on. I’ve said goodbye to that old version of mine. 😊🙃

02/05/2021. Ah, 2nd of May. Hello, May. Come what may.

I’ve Paid My Dues

Saturday has always been my fave day. I get the time to relax and enjoy myself by exercising, reading books, gardening or simply listening to random music. And Queen is on my playlist now as I write this blog post which is funny how it can correlates.

So, things happened. I ain’t a saint. I made mistakes. I apologized and tried the best to improve myself. But looking back at the first months of 2021, somehow those weren’t enough unless I appease the person. Unless I followed whatever scenario of how I shoud behave/react to the persons’ desires.

That’s just not right. Forcing something has never been right.

I understand the pain it was caused. I am owning the mistake; taking responsibility by apologizing and committing a changed behaviour. Yet, that doesn’t mean I deserve to be mistreated.  I’ve paid my dues.

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Taking Care the Place I live in

Againts all odds, my son asked me something like these.

“Is that where I live when I was a baby, Mom?” Pointing out to my belly.

“Yes, you were in my tummy for almost 43 weeks.”

He got surprised, his eyes were widen and continue asking another surprising question. “So, this is my first home?”

I nodded. Afterwards he approached closer and then hug me (oh well my tummy) tight. 😀

A simple daily convo as we always have. He considers my tummy as his first home and he’s right. In fact seeing it from bigger picture, my body is my home. This is the only place where I have live in from the day I was born to later when my time is up on the earth.

I’m taking care more of it.

Almost There

I rarely post about my job but here they are: 10 hours straight working, 3 days in a row. Me got teary eyes, sore back and become close friend with migraine. Oh hello pain killer.

Hope this Law Draft will be fruitful, impactful, and become a legacy. I share a contribution here.

Email from the Past

Earlier this week I received an email from a long long time friend from college. He was actually my crush when I was a freshman. I remember just ended a four year relationship from the first BF of mine and felt lonely. Here comes this guy all charming and sweet. And of course he’s good at playing music. But we had major differences at that time, he celebrated Iedul Fitri while Christmas was my belief. He made a move but after several times going out he decided not to continue it saying uncomfy seeing me with a cross on my neck. I was crushed.

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March is Parch

Small note I made on 8th March.

This is the coincidence I am not happy about. In the month of TB awareness, our family received a shocking news. My cousin who’s 7 mos pregnant lost her battle to this white plague after surviving covid. She’s that friendly person who smiles a lot and really take good care of her fam. My heart aching. We lost two souls.

While I was still mourning from the news, on the same day, one close friend called and decided to end our friendship due to personal reason. I was shock but I didn’t resist what the universe throws at me. I just surrender to the flow of life and choose to be at peace.

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