We all have that period of time where we simply decided not to follow any rules but ours. I grew up in a very strict Christian family as strict as my mom reads the bible every dawn and my dad would woke us all of his children with a loud religious songs from Radio Pelita Kasih at 6 AM. So loud that I thought I gone deaf. Lol. Not to mention that we go to church every Sunday (no excuse or you’d get scholded) also attended mid week service. Well, those were not without reasons. Lots of our relatives from dad’s side are priests or pastors and even there’s a nun from my mom side. So yeah, religious activities and its values are something me and my siblings breath in everyday.

Those values lead my life well and keep me on track. I am forever grateful that my dad was putting a solid fondation for me so I wasn’t lost. But to certain point of life, I got bored. I felt like being restrained. In almost every situation, I always asked myself the WWJD question. You know, when in doubt, ask yourself, “What Would Jesus Do?” So then I always behaved, always become the teacher’s pet and bosses’ fave person or something like that. To the point that I couldn’t enjoy my life freely the way I want it.

Lucky I married Adrian who’s very open minded. I told him all these restrained feelings I have and he said as I am not living under my parents’ roof anymore so I can be me. I can set up my own rules and just be happy. I started wearing clothes that reveals my skin more. I didn’t pray at all except saying grace before dining, church is optional not a mandatory and endebra endebre. Oh, of course my mom and dad were shock. Sometimes mom gave me sarung to cover my short pants or saying, “Rokmu tinggi amat sih.” But that’s the best they can do. Lol. They didn’t interfere with my choice of life anymore.

This last about a decade.

Then on a vaction to Australia in 2019, I visited Hillsong Church and this inner voice inside of me was calling. Slowly but sure I am coming back to the heart of worship. I started to go back to church again and starting this early year, I don’t know how… I even go to Woman Worship Service during weekdays (online of course). I join this cell church group consists of 5 women (whom I knew from long time ago from my teenage years though) where we pray for each other, exchange words of encouragement daily and remind us to have quiet time before we start the day.

I’ts been almost 8 months now and it feels amazing…. This is something familiar, something I grew up with. And having that familiar feeling, a homey one, it feels good. It brings lots of joy. I always feel being pumped and refuelled by the people in this small community.

Well, I guess, no matter how rebelled I was or how far I’ve gone offside track, I know where I belonged. Now, I don’t see religion rescrticts me anymore yet more a guidance to live a better life. I get my strength in God. Sure, life has changed me. I have changed and grown. Thus I am not taking all black and white from the bible but trying to understand it to my own level of acceptance. I guess I am lucky God doesn’t give up on me.

How about you? Have you ever questioned God or simply decided to disobey God in certain part of your life?