Email from the Past

Earlier this week I received an email from a long long time friend from college. He was actually my crush when I was a freshman. I remember just ended a four year relationship from the first BF of mine and felt lonely. Here comes this guy all charming and sweet. And of course he’s good at playing music. But we had major differences at that time, he celebrated Iedul Fitri while Christmas was my belief. He made a move but after several times going out he decided not to continue it saying uncomfy seeing me with a cross on my neck. I was crushed.

Since I was little I have always been somebody’s favourite. My grandma, teachers, most of my aunties, colleagues, friends and now bosses. A friend in Makassar said liking me is easy. Another friend in Jayapura added whether I acknowledge it or not it’s just part of my personality, pointed to the fact how people flock around my table every day. Analyzing, therefore I am just not that familiar with rejection. Well who would say no to your fave person, niece or granddaughter? 😉

Anyhow that incident with my crush made me promise myself to be very careful so I won’t get hurt. That I will only open up myself to whom I know they are in into me despite of who I am (religion, family or job). I appear friendly and approachable to certain level but I keep things privately thus I only have limited best friends.

Last Friday I stumbled upon Meghan Trainor vclip “NO” and the lyrics are so relatable especially this part; If I want a man then I’ma get a man but it’s never my priority. That’s actually what I did all these years. Applied not only to romance but also friendship.

I choose my man, my friend, my happiness. I choose the tone/the nature of the friendship, that’s why it can last for two digits years. Coz If I wanna a man friend then Imma get a man friend. If I wanna, I can. I just don’t wanna. I’ve chosen my man.

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