So this morning I asked Basti to bath before we’re going out. I told him that I’ll help bathing him and guess what? He said NO. He said he can do it by himself. “No, Mami, I wanna bath myself. I’m five now, I’m big. I can do it!” and then he went to the bathroom, locked the door and left me standing alone feeling uncertain.
I don’t know how to respond that. I mean, I am proud that my kid (day by day) is being more independent and able to do his own personal stuff without my help… But to be honest I am not ready for this kind of rejection. I am not ready not feeling needed anymore
OMG, I still wanna bath him, pamper him, and treat him like a baby. It seems like he no longer needs me and somehow I am torn. I am happy that he grows up in accordance to his milestone, able to do this and that but in other way there’s something missing in my heart seeing him doesn’t depend on me anymore.
Anyhow looking at from a different perspective, this experience made me feel grateful with my decision to leave the office 2 years ago. I got to see him growing up, I got the chance to be in his golden age, I was there for him, I was presence. And for the time being, I might say that was my best accomplishment. I am content.
Dear Abang Basti, I know you’ll grow bigger and bigger and there’ll be time you really don’t want me to help you with anything. But until that time comes, lemmi do it a little longer. Lemmi bath you, lemmi feed you, lemmi treat you like a baby. For you’re always be my baby. Like forever!